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When we say things like "you make me angry" or "you really screwed up" it becomes accusatory. It can make the person that we are communicating with shut down or become defensive. Using "I" messages can be a far more productive method of getting your point across.

Saying "I feel frustrated when this happens" or "I am feeling angry as a result of this situation" helps the other person to understand your point of view  instead of feeling like they are being attacked. It can help reach a compromise much sooner in any situation.

Practice using "I" messages in your daily communications with others.

The feeling that we get when someone really listens to us and understands what we are saying is truly amazing. Paraphrasing allows people you are communicating with to KNOW that you are hearing them.

Paraphrasing simply means that you will relay the information back to the person who told you in a different way.

If someone tells you “Today was really difficult, I got up late, almost missed the train and now I have so much work to catch up on.” The correct way to paraphrase this would be “I hear what you are saying. Waking up late and missing the train can be stressful, and then having to come in to a pile of work on top of everything else can make the day difficult."

Paraphrasing is a very beneficial tool because it shows the person that they were being listened to. This builds rapport and trust. It shows that you cared enough to listen to their everyword. It validates them. 

Practice using paraphrasing today in your daily conversations. Notice how people open up to you. You will make them feel good!

Mirroring and matching is one of the most effective ways to connect to someone and build rapport. Mirroring and matching simply means to examine a person for 30 seconds becoming aware of their language style, gestures and mannerisms. After we become aware of these, we begin to emulate them and feed them back to the person we are communicating with.

What is the benefit of mirroring and matching?

It builds rapport and makes a person feel comfortable. People like people that are like themselves, it makes them feel comfortable and feels that you are a like minded person. It allows you to connect with people at their level.

You may notice that you already do this in your life. People do it naturally all the time. Now that you know this easy technique you will be able to build rapport immediately.

Asking people the right questions leads to answers. It leads to better understanding and more open lines of communication.

I have a friend, Ameila, who is very good as asking questions. One day when we met she asked me "How are you doing?"

"Oh fine!" I responded.

She retorted with "Now how are you really doing?"

Needless to say I told her exactly what was going on with me in my life at that time. She asked the right question to get me to open up more about what was really going on in my life.

With just a little bit of effort, practice and fun at the beginning, asking questions can begin to bring amazing results to your relationships. There is only really two criteria. Remembering to ask questions and taking the time to make sure they are empowering questions.

If you are at work, imagine asking your co-workers "what could we do to increase our productivity while making it fun?"

Imagine asking yourself questions such as "I wonder what I could do to make my work out routine more enjoyable?"

What if you asked your mate or partner "What aspects of our relationship can we work on to make our bond stronger?

Practice asking questions in your daily conversations and watch in amazement as your communication skills improve greatly!

Asking people the right questions leads to answers. It leads to better understanding and more open lines of communication.http://cms.hypnosis-toronto.webnode.com/blog/

I have a friend, Ameila, who is very good as asking questions. One day when we met she asked me "How are you doing?"

"Oh fine!" I responded.

She retorted with "Now how are you really doing?"

Needless to say I told her exactly what was going on with me in my life at that time. She asked the right question to get me to open up more about what was really going on in my life.

With just a little bit of effort, practice and fun at the beginning, asking questions can begin to bring amazing results to your relationships. There is only really two criteria. Remembering to ask questions and taking the time to make sure they are empowering questions.

If you are at work, imagine asking your co-workers "what could we do to increase our productivity while making it fun?"

Imagine asking yourself questions such as "I wonder what I could do to make my work out routine more enjoyable?"

What if you asked your mate or partner "What aspects of our relationship can we work on to make our bond stronger?

Practice asking questions in your daily conversations and watch in amazement as your communication skills improve greatly!

Asking people the right questions leads to answers. It leads to better understanding and more open lines of communication.http://cms.hypnosis-toronto.webnode.com/blog/

I have a friend, Ameila, who is very good as asking questions. One day when we met she asked me "How are you doing?"

"Oh fine!" I responded.

She retorted with "Now how are you really doing?"

Needless to say I told her exactly what was going on with me in my life at that time. She asked the right question to get me to open up more about what was really going on in my life.

With just a little bit of effort, practice and fun at the beginning, asking questions can begin to bring amazing results to your relationships. There is only really two criteria. Remembering to ask questions and taking the time to make sure they are empowering questions.

If you are at work, imagine asking your co-workers "what could we do to increase our productivity while making it fun?"

Imagine asking yourself questions such as "I wonder what I could do to make my work out routine more enjoyable?"

What if you asked your mate or partner "What aspects of our relationship can we work on to make our bond stronger?

Practice asking questions in your daily conversations and watch in amazement as your communication skills improve greatly!

NLP uses a model called representational systems, or sensory modalities. Information is processed through the 5 senses.

Visual- Sight, mental imagery, spacial awareness

Auditory- Sound, speech, dialog

Kinesthetic-feeling in the body, temperature, emotion

Olfactory (smell)

Gustatory (taste)

Everyone usually has a main modality. Perhaps they are mostly auditory or visual.

Everyone also has a secondary modality. An example of this would be someone who is mostly visual but has a secondary or submodality of being auditory.

Here is were this comes in handy when becoming a more effective communicator. Through listening to how people talk, you can get an understanding of what their modalities are!

A person who is more visual would say "I SEE what you mean".

A person who is more auditory would say "I HEAR what you are saying".

A person who is more kinesthetic would say "I know how you FEEL".

People drop hints to what their modalities are. If you listen to the types of words they use you can get a good idea if they are visual, auditory or kinesthetic.

Visual people use words like see, clear, focused, picture and imagine

Auditory people use words like hear, sound, listen, silence and tell

Kinesthetic people use words like sense, experience, perceive, understand and consider

Now, here is where you can become a more effective communicator. Listen and hear the types of words someone uses. You will get a good idea through really listening to them if they are more visual, auditory or kinesthetic.

Then, you start feeding back words based on their modality.

If someone uses more visual words, you too would use visual words. If someone says "Do you see what I am saying?" You might say "I can see what your saying and picture where you are coming from."

When we tune into the people around us and their modalities it can enable us to communicate better with them.

So, are you more visual, auditory or kinesthetic? An easy method to find out is to close your eyes for a moment and remember back to your last holiday. Do you remember visual images, maybe blue ocean waters or colours? Do you remember the sounds of where you were? Maybe you remembered how good it felt!

Practice listening to those around you today and see if you can pick up on their modalities and start feeding them back words based on their modality!

Last week I gave you a peek inside the toolbox of hypnosis. This was only scraping the surface of the hypnosis toolset. I hope you found it informative and interesting.

NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming or Neuro Linguistic Psychology. A name that encompasses the three most influential components involved in producing human experience: neurology, language and programming.

Our neurological system regulates how our bodies function, language determines how we interact and communicate with other people and our programming deterimines the kinds of models of the world we create.

While NLP can be used as a form of therapy, it also has applications that can help you connect with and understand people more rapidly and easily. Starting tomorrow, from Monday to Friday of this week, I am going to share with you some easy NLP skills to help you become a more effective communicator with the people in your life.

In July of this year, I went to Canada's Wonderland with a few friends. The Behemoth is one of the new attractions and being the tallest and fastest rollercoaster I wanted to ride it first. As we waited in line the anticipation grew as I watched car after car on the rollercoaster track drop straight down from a height of 230ft. Yes, it is tall. You don't realize how tall it is until you are careening towards the earth at break neck speeds with only a bar across you lap holding you in. When it was our go, my friend suggested we sit in the front. I was all for it. We began ascending the 230ft climb and it wasn't until we reached the top that i realized how scary it was. I was white knuckling it all the way through.

We rode many roller coasters that day and then we rode the Behemoth again for a second time at night. The second time around, it seemed like nothing. It had no where near the impact it did the first time. This is a perfect example of desensitization. The more you do something, the easier and more comfortable it seems.

When someone is experiencing a fear or a phobia we use a process called systematic desensitization. The subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between real and imagined. If someone that is afraid of spiders sees a spider on tv, they react with the same fear as if they had seen a real spider. We take people through their fear, while in hypnosis, by having them visualize or imagine themselves in the situations that make them respond with fear. They always have a safe place to return to, should they wish, so they are always safe and in control. Taking them through 10 steps of fear, from the least fear provoking to the most fear provoking desensitizes them to the fear. When they can think of the scenarios in their mind and feel comfortable, we know it has worked. I have seen people remove most of a fear in just 1 hour using this technique.